No Stigma No Shame

Mahesh Kumar

Engineering Student, Tamil Nadu

In my childhood I had faced severe humiliation. I was fat and I am unable to pronounce some words properly. My voice remained childish and never attained maturity. My friends used to mock at me. I was very fat and so I always used to lose especially in sports. I was very sensitive and sometimes felt awkward and depressed gazing at myself before a mirror. But I was strong enough to be happy and recognized the love my parents showed on me and remembered that many of my friends liked me inspite of my awkward structure. Soon I had got answers to my depression. Today I have the most number of friends in my college. When we feel depressed and thinking of ending our lives, we should be able to realize that our life is not only important to us but is equally important to every one who trusted us. I hope this one thought can CHANGE our lives.
#A Healthy Mind X

Barsha Bharali

Student, 20, Bangalore

There was a time when death is all I could see! That too because of some man who in every drop of blood is the guilty one... I asked myself What was my fault? Why me? I hated myself... I started losing control... I felt lost and impure... And then People started talking. . I hated myself more... And more… I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression and amnesia.. Now it has been 3 years.. My doctors say I have totally come out of PTSD... I am one of their successful cases... And now I am completely fine.. I have been in a Mental Hospital for 3 months but it's ok... It doesn't make me Mad... I was just sick and now am ok... more than that I have got the love of my life… X

Anurag Nair

After my parents separated when I was in 9th I started feeling depressed, I was annoyed by questions from people around me asking me why they are separated??, do something about it , and even accusing me for it. I was so mad and my marks were at an all time low and was turning violent by nature. Somehow I managed to pass 10th and me and my mother moved back to her hometown of Kochi where I started to spend more time with a cousin who suddenly became my best friend. He was a source of encouragement and entertainment for me. New school was way better than my old school in Delhi and I was able to realize I belong somewhere and passed with more than 90% marks in 12th. X

Zanzanil Vyas

Homemaker, 31, Ahmedabad

Here's my story for Satyamev Jayate's 'No Stigma, No Shame' campaign. For my graduation I wanted to commute to a nearby city. But my dad wouldn't agree n I spent endless nights crying and after months of feeling the pain I even attempted suicide but no one cared. One of my online friends told me about depression n helped me out of it. After years I was going thru same thing again. And I decided to see a psychologist. Currently its been 3years I have been taking anti depressant medicines. But still its not easy to say I am taking antidepressant medication. Even educated people find it difficult to understand that its not a stigma. I am not crazy or mad. Just that I feel hurt easily. X

Ravi Chavan

Here's my story for Satyamev Jayate's 'No Stigma, No Shame' campaign. I feel depressed when my girlfriend family forced her to marry with their choice boy. I saw some my friends get depressed due to no girlfriend, Less friend, Less value in friend group, No future visibility. I love to listen song to reduce my depression whenever it comes. Always think about other while thinking about you. X

Barsha Nath

Lucknow

I m studying in lucknow doing bds there. I gave my medical entrance in 2013...omg dat day was really very dangerous day fr me:( I was so nervous , my muma n papa were crying. ....total I gave 7 exms.... of which I was qualified in all india entrance.... But my rank was not so gud...enough....n I was very depressed. ..I didn't get seat even in my state....it was very depressing fr me since I studied hard.... I had in my mind...my mumma n papa were spending so much Of money....n I m giving nothing...I didn't talk to anyone..I tried to commit suicide even....I was so depressed...that I didn't talk to my parents even...I thought j should end my life now.... But one day....my papa' s ph rang...it was a message frm my college where I m studying now...getting admission in bds...omg I was so happy. .my papa was dancing literally dat day was awesome!!!! So I took admission there in 2013.....in lucknow....but I ws really happy with my parents coz they never discouraged me....they said its k....study this properly u will b successful... X

Bhushan

Computer engineer, Mumbai

When family members take you for granted then its very difficult for them to understand you.... That's my story where at some point of my life a thought cross my mind to kill myself!! I don't look good which shatters my Self confidence with respect to all sections of my life...i know that no single girl will have relationship with me… With low confidence i can't do what i am suppose to do. People make fun of me of my self centred attitude....but i am not living my life in the way i am suppose to live.....Presently i am ok but i am still in that 'comfort pit' ! Sooner life will change for better .... hopefully… X

Zeenat Fayyaz

London

I am a single mother of 4 children, i gave birth to six and two died. I got married when i was 19 and went through lots of abuse from my husband , emotional , verbal , financial and some physical. He also betrayed me with my best friend and had a child with her while still married to me. Despite all this i was always smiling, positive, strong person and brought up my children the best i could and masha allah they all well educated and have good careers.
In 2011 i woke up in the morning and had a break down and was diagnosed with clinical depression . It took me and my family by surprise and we were all really shocked as ive always been so strong and looked happy as always smiled and was very grateful for all the blessings.
The depression was very severe leaving me with no emotions, i could not go out of my house, i didn't shower for days or changed my clothes, i just layed on my sofa all day and most nights I didn’t eat much. I was put under the care of professional in my home to give me medication and any other support which may help. I was in no state of mind to absorb any information so didn't do anything to get my self better. I was put on many different medication but nothing was working and i was getting worse by the day. Then it was suggested i try ECT (electric current therapy) but i was reluctant as it seemed really harsh but i agreed to it and had 6 sessions and than i started improving . Now i am on road to recovery. I have understood that depression is not sign of weakness its sign of trying to stay strong for too long and not dealing with stuff in my life and pushing them under the carpet ans staying strong for sake of children, family , friends . We should not be ashamed of showing our weakness and ask for help when we need it. X

Kamini

Many times suicidal thoughts came in my mind. I stop myself Every time just by thinking that I am an only one income resource of my family. I am 29 not married, my younger sister( 25 age)has a bf and he tried to convince his parents for my sister. But my parents asked her to wait because they want my marriage first. My dad lost everything in his business 14 years ago and didn't recover himself yet out of that shock. I even try to get into relationship but things never work out. I am working with good company but these days job also not going smooth. I am facing so many issues at work. I feel helpless some times as I want to settle down my family first . I want to support my family, want to settle my sister with her bf. But to be honest I also want a true person in my life. X

Rajashri

I am 29. I teach at a college in Bangalore. I've gone through depression and trust me I don't think my family will like this...my confession here. Its not because they don't love me...its because they're scared that my marriage would not take place at all...that it'll drive away my marriage prospects. Funny it is but then that's how people react to depression! I was so very depressed for almost 3 years. I heard "voices" inside my head. I had suicidal tendencies..once i tried to kill myself. I felt that it wasnt my body...i was just "dead" with no expressions ....my family supported me through this. It was kept away from all the others. Nevertheless now I'm very much healthy n happy. I keep myself happy and others around me too happy. Though not everyday I do soorya namaskar. My father went through depression as well.We should always be in love with ourselves first rather than searching it outside. That doesn't mean that one become selfish , its only that we have to be thankful to the creator that we are happy to be in this world and be grateful for what we have. I tell this to my young (graduates) students. X

Neha

27

Hi me 10 salon se depression me hun life me kuchh thik hi nhi hai..... Bachpan me child abusing ka sikar bani....life me sirf ek hi sapna dekha tha - perfect wife banna. life se ek pyar karne wale husband se jayda kuchh nhi chaha tha.... engagement k next day hi sab badal gya kuchh samjh nhi aa rha tha ye kya ho rha h ek k bad ek jhuth samne aa rhe the next month Shadi thi but ladke k ghar walon ki to nyi kahaniyan hi banti ja rhi thi engagement ko 24 ghante bhi nhi hue aur call aa gya hamara ladka foreign ja rha h Shadi 6month bad karenge hum kuchh samjh nhi pa rhe the chal kya rha h.... Bad me malum pda sara case dahej ka h....doubt hone par Mere relatives ne fake rishte batane k liye call kia Un log taiyar ho gye Shadi k liye ek bar bhi nhi kha ki unke ladke ki to engagement ho chuki h.....
Bahut waqt lga muze samhalne me shayad aaj bhi nhi samhal pai hun par mene khud ko bahut strong kia ghar walon ki nazron me. Me kisi par trust hi nhi kar pa rhi hun insan ko badalte dekha h mene jab insan achchhe se bura banta h na to samjh hi nhi pate hum ki shi kon tha afsos hota h ki insan ko jiske sath Apni sari life share karna h usse badhkar uske liye paise ho jate h use Ek bar bhi meri feelings ka khyal nhi aaya..... Aur Shadi kar Li aur life me aage badh gya me ladki hun na logon ki nazron aur sawalon ko face karte aa rhi hun aaj tak bhi bahut koshish ki aage badhne ki par nhi badh pai....
Me pcs ki preparation karne aai hun but kabhi kabhi bahut muskil hota h khud ko samjhana...... Jab Apne aas pas dekhti hun to lagta h Mere sath to kuchh bhi nhi hua h but jo mental torture mene sha h usko bhul bhi nhi pa rhi hun aaj tak depression me hun socially cut ho gyi hun kisi se contact me rahne ka man hi nhiiiiiiiiii rah gya h..... Pta nhi ye sab kab tak aur chalega...... X

Chandni Mishra

When i was 17yrs old i got depression when i was staying in hostel due its environment........ first i started staying sad for most of d time without any reason. I almost got failed in my career..... then d problem got more serious but till it was unknown. I left hostel nd came back to my hometown nd there i started my 12 class.but it was too difficult for me too get admission in any school as it was mid session.... everyone was making fun of me as i was not able to resist in d hostel even my previous skl teacher instead of sympathy start commenting on me... my health was seriously deteriorated..... i was not able to catch up my study... i started forgeting everything before 2 month of board exam... my family was also not supporting me except my mom. I was so panic that many time i thought even tried to commit suicide. My body goes collapse, started crying in a loud voice without any reason.I dont known why i really got allergy for that hostel .i too got attack by blood infection due to brainshock. it last for almost 3 yrs still i m eating d depression pills to get rid of it..i m taking treatment in hospital nd i think i just started recovering.... X

Nishita

From past one and half year, i have been struggling to come out of depression , its difficult for me to focus on anything , i lost 10-12 kgs in last 6 months, I was in relationship with a guy for one and half year, for some people this might sound stupid but to live each day has been a struggle for me . Not able to give in myself completely to any task , i cant even talk to my parents. Although they know the whole truth , they helped me a lot to come out of it. But its difficult to come out of it. He is getting married now , the day he called me the whole world crumbled down . We had thought a lot about us being together throughout our life , although we tried accepting this fact , but his family pressurised him a lot and at the end he took this decision to marry. There was just one issue , we are from different caste. Each day since then has been like hell to me , i cant sleep , even if i sleep its difficult for me to wake up because all those thoughts haunt me , they haunt me the whole day night, i cant eat , i cant laugh ,i cant be happy . He loved me lot but social issues doesnt allow us to be together. Consulted a lot of doctors but all went in vain, my parents support me a lot . But at the end when it comes to me to come out of it, it just becomes impossible . I am in a viscious circle , I cant see anyway out of it . I am struggling to live a normal life, i feel my only mistake in life is i am in a lower caste than him. I hope indian society changes some day. X

Dr Rekha Singhal

We are two sisters & three brothers. My eldest sister developed serious signs of depression like staying aloof / dirty , talking to herself as mohammad rafi , returning home leaving her graduation exam in between unanswered ...etc . I felt she needed psychiatric help & so i admitted her in all india institute of medical sciences. We had multiple sessions . I realised that interaction process does help by opening the closed mental blocks . The patient also feels more comfortable in the company of compassionate \ sweet talking professionals . It is a continuing process which needs right focus & patient wait. Thankfully, we are a highly educated family of prfessors & so my sister continues to be well taken care of by her father in particular who remains her permanant guardian for the last 58 years which is her age today . In nutshell, i would say that no outsider\his judgement is more valuable than the life of " an individual "! X

Jagdish

Data Analyst, 34, San Francisco, USA

Very few know that I attempted suicide. Fortunately I was not brave enough then and delayed The Idea for 5-10 seconds few times and my mood changed. I was school topper and was good in studies. Basically I am a shy person and barely used to speak with anyone in school. The only word I used when talking with girls in school was 'Thank you' when they tells me 'Congrats'. lol Till school, I used to get only appreciations from all. Things changed when I came to Hyderabad in Summer 1997 for coaching. My expectations were very big and I used to study hard for 16 hours a day. Didn't get marks as per my expectations. Because of my introvert behavior, I didn't know how to mingle, speak or behave with people. First time my 'closed ones' pointed me for wrong reasons and I felt really bad and that made me feel even worse and I felt a strange emptiness in my stomach. I stopped talking with all. My breath was shallow, I suffered from lack of concentration and I broke down often. I returned home leaving classes. My mother worried a lot by seeing strange condition of me. Consulted doctor twice, he told everything is fine. He concluded finally after observing all symptoms that I was suffering with psychological disorder called "Depression". We had no idea what exactly it was. Didn't use any medication. Over a period of time, it got worse. But I would put up a brave front because they were worried about my condition. There were days when I would feel okay, but at times, within a day, there was a roller-coaster of feelings. I used to forget routes & bus numbers in which I travelled previously. Mom, Sister, brother, Uncle and Friends helped me a lot to overcome the condition. Somehow I managed to get Pharmacy admission. Finally, I came to know what exactly the depression is only in 2001(after 4 years!!), when 'Depression' was academic topic in my Pharmacy Graduation. Trying too hard to overcome depression may cause bipolar disorder. Occasionally I suffered with that too because of my erratic behavior during that time I lost some Good friends. But it was completely unintentional. There is shame and stigma attached to talking about depression. In fact, one in every four people suffer from anxiety and depression. We talk about all kinds of aliments, but this is probably one of the deadliest mental disorders. X

Aparajita Arora

Designer and Business Developer, 38, Kolkata

I can't say I have had a bad marriage and neither can I say the person I married did not love me. It was an arranged marriage. But I still faced depression and felt cornered, distrusted and low, by this person whom I say "loved me". In my marriage I was not only married to my husband but also to his mother. I did all I could to always make him feel happy about me. His mother and him were like a team and I was like an outsider always. They gossiped about me. A rebuke for whatever I did wrong in the day and finally I had to ask for forgiveness from his mum and touch her feet. This gradually started building a wall in my husband's mind and he pulled himself away from me. We were only acquaintances and he would hear me cry but never give an ear to why I cried, what made me so upset, what depressed me as much. I felt that this person whom I am married to for 7-8yrs has never loved me, never felt that I have left everything to be with him. I did so much for him and his whole family. Finally I moved to parent's home in a different city and hoped that he will make some efforts to make it right, atleast he would miss me. But neither did he stop me when I left, nor did he ever feel the need to come over. 4 years have passed since and within this time, he has called me a fake person. He said I had never done anything for him or his family. All I ever did was done by me to run praises for myself from people and nothing was done from my heart. There were many many incidents where I was taunted and called names by my mother in law where my husband stood there quietly almost accepting the behaviour she gave to me as if I was worth that. Depression had provoked me to attempt suicide but I failed. I had to consult psychiatrists to get normal. Even though I lack confidence even today, I feel I am much better and have a good job for myself. I am a NIFT gradute and all my batchmates have good jobs and businesses today. I lost almost 10yrs of career and I have started from scratch again. Thank God but I have learnt lows of life. But today I have no Shame or guilt or fear to share my life with all. Thanks for reading. X

Rashi Jain

I guess everybody has a time in their life where nothing according to them seems to go their way. You feel like... "Ah this World is a bad place" and that the whole burden of this World is on your two little shoulders. Well, I was in this situation for four years! So this happened when I moved from Africa to Maldives. I moved to Africa when I was 10 and I moved to Maldives when I was 15. I was pretty much a kid. Probably it was just my troublesome teen affecting me, that I kinda turned myself off. And then when you are at your teenage, glamour really gets you. So whatever, I started attempting to copy the common trends of this World... going to parties, trying to be cool, speak cool, talk boys and stuff like that. I was not being myself, because I assumed that myself was not cool. It cannot be explained to what a person goes through while in depression in words, but I will try my best. My biggest pain was that I was not happy with the life I was pretending to live in front of others, that was not my idea of life. But I was hopeful, I tried again, and again, and again for 4 years and every time I would tell myself the same lie, "This time it's going to be different" But I feel stupid because after I came to the conclusion that "This is not working. I need to do something else" I need to get myself back. I need to accept myself. Something good happened though the time I was going through my switches of short good period and long depressed periods. In my short good periods I would read a lot, and in those short periods I would discover myself. Well back to it, I am now finally able to accept myself. I have just been out for about 7 days now and it feels like it's been ages... I have accomplished so much. More than that I have started to do things that make me happy. Each day I accomplish something new, interesting and each day I am happier than before. The fun part is that I would haste everything before this... so that I accomplish more, but after my decision I give everything I do a lot of time. I do it at a much slower pace that I tried to before and I accomplish much more than I ever have. I also strike up conversations with complete strangers now. I am so happy with my life.
MORAL: Accept yourself and change your life X

Purbi Kumari

Working with an MNC, 31, Mumbai

At 16, my sister told that I wouldn't have any period as I don’t have a uterus. At the moment my heart tore to pieces and I started crying like hell. My mother consoled me. But I got to know that it was difficult to live a normal life, difficult to get married and the most importantly the baby for which I have dreamed about since childhood was no more possible. At the age of 22, I started having body pain especially lower back. I couldn't concentrate on my studies but somehow I managed to get admission in MBA in Bangalore, South India far from my native place. I moved to Bangalore and the real struggles began from there. Far from my family, I found myself very alone. I found it very difficult to hide my absent period with hostel mates. I preferred staying in single occupancy. But I had to compromise on having social life. Some people considered me arrogant, some felt I was like granny, etc., consequently people started ignoring me. Even though my society doesn't know about my MRKH condition, I feel very alone, inferior, insecure and rejected. Here people don’t value or respect a single/unmarried woman. I know after some years if I will still be unmarried, people will start seeing me with a question mark, they will start questioning me why I’m not getting married, why I’m not in any relationship. I get scared of when I think of such situations. I really don’t know what my future will bring for me… I can only pray to God that He would send someone into my life who would understand my problem, who would love me immensely and who would accept me as I am. I know it is not that very easy. In the midst of my fear, uncertainties and insecurity, I have decided to adopt a child whether I get married or not. I will pour out all my love to my baby. And I know one smile of my baby will bring thousands of smiles on my face… I would like to seek your support to spread the awareness about this syndrome. X