Page 30 - SMJ
P. 30
Changing Mindsets
I had completed my Master’s degree by now and went to work in my old
secondary school. I was in the darkest period of my life and I was now 29!
After 2 years in therapy, I found the courage to tell my husband, and his
response was simply, “I know”.
I then found the courage to tell my mom. She dismissed it as a phase and
ignored me. When I pushed the point, she took my husband’s side and
disowned me and told me that God would punish me for all eternity. I
thought at that point that it would be better if I just died. She was my best
friend whom I had counselled and supported since childhood, and now
when I needed her to be a mother, she abandoned me completely. We
didn’t speak for two years.
She has tried to understand, but until May this year when I visited her
and my lovely stepdad in Tanzania, she still struggled. None of her friends
know that I am gay. So, when we visit her we have to lie to people and then
be forced to get into discussions about how I really should get married!
But this year, I sat with my mom one morning at 2:00 a.m. and I explained
to her gently, with all the love and understanding I could manage, that I
LOVE women. I tried marriage for 13 years to please her and destroyed
my husband’s life—something I will have to carry to my grave. I explained
that I have done everything in my power to make her proud and honour
her but that I HAD to be allowed to live my truthful life. I have realised
since this May conversation that in my heart I do want to get married. I
want a beautiful Indian bride that I can spend forever with and I am sure
that will happen! Love is all there is of any value, why should it matter
whom I love?
30
I had completed my Master’s degree by now and went to work in my old
secondary school. I was in the darkest period of my life and I was now 29!
After 2 years in therapy, I found the courage to tell my husband, and his
response was simply, “I know”.
I then found the courage to tell my mom. She dismissed it as a phase and
ignored me. When I pushed the point, she took my husband’s side and
disowned me and told me that God would punish me for all eternity. I
thought at that point that it would be better if I just died. She was my best
friend whom I had counselled and supported since childhood, and now
when I needed her to be a mother, she abandoned me completely. We
didn’t speak for two years.
She has tried to understand, but until May this year when I visited her
and my lovely stepdad in Tanzania, she still struggled. None of her friends
know that I am gay. So, when we visit her we have to lie to people and then
be forced to get into discussions about how I really should get married!
But this year, I sat with my mom one morning at 2:00 a.m. and I explained
to her gently, with all the love and understanding I could manage, that I
LOVE women. I tried marriage for 13 years to please her and destroyed
my husband’s life—something I will have to carry to my grave. I explained
that I have done everything in my power to make her proud and honour
her but that I HAD to be allowed to live my truthful life. I have realised
since this May conversation that in my heart I do want to get married. I
want a beautiful Indian bride that I can spend forever with and I am sure
that will happen! Love is all there is of any value, why should it matter
whom I love?
30
