Page 25 - SMJ
P. 25
Gay and Happy
But much of that changed in a matter of months. And many things helped
make this transition. My siblings offered unwavering support. More than
anyone else, they helped to make my parents understand that orientation
isn’t something one can change. The media made a difference too.
Discussions on equal rights for LGBT people have enjoyed prominent
attention in ways India has hardly seen before. I can’t be sure but I think
some of those debates on TV and newspaper editorials helped shape how
my parents think about these issues today.
Coming out to my grandmother remains a memorable moment. At 75,
and with no more than higher secondary education, she isn’t someone you
would expect to understand. But she did; she needed no introduction. She
knew what it meant to be gay, and what it means to have a gay grandson.
“Do you have a boyfriend?” she asked. I didn’t (then), and told her so.
“You should,” she replied. “Later in life you will be lonely.”
Many of us choose not to come out in the fear that our families won’t
understand or approve. Perhaps we should take more chances. Perhaps
there are others waiting to show similar love and affection, only if their
children or grandchildren can summon the courage to come out.
Like in any other family, marriage is a frequent topic of conversation in
mine. “When will your son marry?” is a badgering my parents are often
confronted with. A couple of years ago, to a similar question from a family
friend, my dad replied, “My son is gay. We are looking for a guy.” His
journey towards unconditional acceptance was complete and I couldn’t
have been prouder. Two years ago, they made a proposal: “Tell us what
sort of person you want and we shall put a matrimonial advert in the
newspapers.” An arranged gay marriage—that was their plan.
Acceptance is wonderful. And in case you were wondering, I turned down
their offer!
Shubhankar Dam
25
But much of that changed in a matter of months. And many things helped
make this transition. My siblings offered unwavering support. More than
anyone else, they helped to make my parents understand that orientation
isn’t something one can change. The media made a difference too.
Discussions on equal rights for LGBT people have enjoyed prominent
attention in ways India has hardly seen before. I can’t be sure but I think
some of those debates on TV and newspaper editorials helped shape how
my parents think about these issues today.
Coming out to my grandmother remains a memorable moment. At 75,
and with no more than higher secondary education, she isn’t someone you
would expect to understand. But she did; she needed no introduction. She
knew what it meant to be gay, and what it means to have a gay grandson.
“Do you have a boyfriend?” she asked. I didn’t (then), and told her so.
“You should,” she replied. “Later in life you will be lonely.”
Many of us choose not to come out in the fear that our families won’t
understand or approve. Perhaps we should take more chances. Perhaps
there are others waiting to show similar love and affection, only if their
children or grandchildren can summon the courage to come out.
Like in any other family, marriage is a frequent topic of conversation in
mine. “When will your son marry?” is a badgering my parents are often
confronted with. A couple of years ago, to a similar question from a family
friend, my dad replied, “My son is gay. We are looking for a guy.” His
journey towards unconditional acceptance was complete and I couldn’t
have been prouder. Two years ago, they made a proposal: “Tell us what
sort of person you want and we shall put a matrimonial advert in the
newspapers.” An arranged gay marriage—that was their plan.
Acceptance is wonderful. And in case you were wondering, I turned down
their offer!
Shubhankar Dam
25
