Page 45 - index
P. 45
C oming from a middle-class, educated and orthodox family, my parents have
always prioritised academics. As working parents, mom being a doctor and
dad an engineer, they strived to keep me happy. Their efforts are priceless, but
the methods of imposing them, I feel have been futile. Their restrictions
extended in several directions hampering my childhood.
I was not allowed to play with neighbouring kids. If I did, in rare
circumstances, it happened only under constant adult supervision (dad‘s). No
TV for fear of adult content, no books without their approval for fear of
imagination, no picnics on account of safety, no pocket money, etc. The worst
being, they chose my friends for me indirectly.
I was also subjected to physical abuse in public places, humiliation in the
presence of my friends, hurling atrocious curses, etc. I tried explaining to them
but it was all in vain. This went on till class 10 or even class 12. Having had
nobody to share my feelings with, I resorted to relationships and dating. This
backfired each time since I tried clinging to the attention.
After my first relationship came to an end when I was in class 12, I attempted
suicide for the first time. I drank a bottle of acidic tile cleaner till I vomitted
blood. That‘s when my parents realised the gravity of the situation. I believe
that they had pushed me into depression. I was advised psychiatric treatment
and given a lot of counselling. Following this incident, my parents changed
very little. I was doing my graduation and they still wouldn‘t let me stay out
after 7 p.m. No travelling alone after 6 (even by bus), restricted expenses
which had to be accounted for in detail, no clothes of my choice, no friends
that they didn‘t approve of, etc. That‘s when I began retaliation.
I chose my own set of friends, lied at home and got into substance abuse. My
parents were unaware of everything because they had no connection with me
or my life. Recently, after my graduation, I got sexually involved with a
younger boy. It drove me into deeper depths of trouble and I attempted
suicide again, which became a medico-legal case. This time, my parents were
worried about their reputation having been compromised rather than the
emotional distress I faced. The psychiatrist deduced that I was suffering from
bipolar disorder.
42
always prioritised academics. As working parents, mom being a doctor and
dad an engineer, they strived to keep me happy. Their efforts are priceless, but
the methods of imposing them, I feel have been futile. Their restrictions
extended in several directions hampering my childhood.
I was not allowed to play with neighbouring kids. If I did, in rare
circumstances, it happened only under constant adult supervision (dad‘s). No
TV for fear of adult content, no books without their approval for fear of
imagination, no picnics on account of safety, no pocket money, etc. The worst
being, they chose my friends for me indirectly.
I was also subjected to physical abuse in public places, humiliation in the
presence of my friends, hurling atrocious curses, etc. I tried explaining to them
but it was all in vain. This went on till class 10 or even class 12. Having had
nobody to share my feelings with, I resorted to relationships and dating. This
backfired each time since I tried clinging to the attention.
After my first relationship came to an end when I was in class 12, I attempted
suicide for the first time. I drank a bottle of acidic tile cleaner till I vomitted
blood. That‘s when my parents realised the gravity of the situation. I believe
that they had pushed me into depression. I was advised psychiatric treatment
and given a lot of counselling. Following this incident, my parents changed
very little. I was doing my graduation and they still wouldn‘t let me stay out
after 7 p.m. No travelling alone after 6 (even by bus), restricted expenses
which had to be accounted for in detail, no clothes of my choice, no friends
that they didn‘t approve of, etc. That‘s when I began retaliation.
I chose my own set of friends, lied at home and got into substance abuse. My
parents were unaware of everything because they had no connection with me
or my life. Recently, after my graduation, I got sexually involved with a
younger boy. It drove me into deeper depths of trouble and I attempted
suicide again, which became a medico-legal case. This time, my parents were
worried about their reputation having been compromised rather than the
emotional distress I faced. The psychiatrist deduced that I was suffering from
bipolar disorder.
42
