Page 10 - Chupi-Todo
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F or me, the abuse started when I was around 10 years old. I am 39 now. My
mother’s cousin sexually abused me. His irst question to me, a 10-year-old was,
“Do you bleed down here yet?” Not even knowing what he meant at that age, I was
horriied and begged him not to make me bleed. I understood later that he was just
making sure that he could not make me pregnant.
I tried telling my aunt (mamiji) but her irst reaction was to gather all female
members of the joint family and tell them to protect their girls. No one cared about
me. To her credit, she did tell me to say no the next time he tried it. And I did.
As I grew up and got married, I could not stand to have a normal relationship—
physical or emotional—with my husband. I was a wreck. I told my husband the
reason and he stood by me as I fought through years of depression. When I had
my 2 daughters, I started having lashbacks of the abuse. I would wake up terriied
and sweaty. My husband gave me the courage to leave my job and concentrate on
getting better.
I live in the US, so it was easier to get help without taboos attached to it. The abuse
had taken place in India. At that time, my therapist told me that worldwide, every
third person has been abused.
On a side note, I also told my parents and my older brother (a doctor) after I got
married. Until 4–5 years ago, they did not say anything to anyone until I returned to
India for a family wedding. That guy was there and on seeing us at the same place,
my dad went berserk. He confronted the guy and asked him to get out.
Since that time, all relatives from my mother’s side have left her. I even got a call
from a younger cousin of mine. She begged me to stop my dad from making a big
deal out of this. The entire family thinks that my mom and dad are blowing this
‘small incident that happened years ago’ out of proportion.
A year ago, my parents moved away from Jalandhar where they had lived for the
last 50 years. During all of this, they have not blamed me once. They are proud of
CHUPPI TODO! | 08
mother’s cousin sexually abused me. His irst question to me, a 10-year-old was,
“Do you bleed down here yet?” Not even knowing what he meant at that age, I was
horriied and begged him not to make me bleed. I understood later that he was just
making sure that he could not make me pregnant.
I tried telling my aunt (mamiji) but her irst reaction was to gather all female
members of the joint family and tell them to protect their girls. No one cared about
me. To her credit, she did tell me to say no the next time he tried it. And I did.
As I grew up and got married, I could not stand to have a normal relationship—
physical or emotional—with my husband. I was a wreck. I told my husband the
reason and he stood by me as I fought through years of depression. When I had
my 2 daughters, I started having lashbacks of the abuse. I would wake up terriied
and sweaty. My husband gave me the courage to leave my job and concentrate on
getting better.
I live in the US, so it was easier to get help without taboos attached to it. The abuse
had taken place in India. At that time, my therapist told me that worldwide, every
third person has been abused.
On a side note, I also told my parents and my older brother (a doctor) after I got
married. Until 4–5 years ago, they did not say anything to anyone until I returned to
India for a family wedding. That guy was there and on seeing us at the same place,
my dad went berserk. He confronted the guy and asked him to get out.
Since that time, all relatives from my mother’s side have left her. I even got a call
from a younger cousin of mine. She begged me to stop my dad from making a big
deal out of this. The entire family thinks that my mom and dad are blowing this
‘small incident that happened years ago’ out of proportion.
A year ago, my parents moved away from Jalandhar where they had lived for the
last 50 years. During all of this, they have not blamed me once. They are proud of
CHUPPI TODO! | 08
