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P. 58
Intolerance to Love –
When my father came to know about my relationship, he put my boyfriend in jail and hit him a lot. He is
a policeman. So, we got married secretly in the court. I’m Maharashtrian and the love of my life is
Gujarati.
My parents love me a lot and I also love them a lot but they never tried to understand me and my love. It
has been four years since my wedding and yet, they have not accepted me. None of my relatives have
supported me either. Do caste and money really matter so much more than love?
-Rupal
--
I am a 28-year-old boy. I am struggling for my soul, my heart, my life - my love. Her parents are pushing
her to marry the boy whom they have chosen for her. They are hitting her, threatening her and not
allowing her to call anyone. She is like a prisoner in her own house.
Her elder sister and mother have told her that her father will die if she disobeys them. My parents and
family members have also tried to convince them. But they said they need a high-profile groom with a
large bank balance. Despite an 11-year-old relationship, she was compelled to tell me to leave her and
her family or else she might be murdered. I have tears in my eyes while writing this.
-Tejas
--
My husband and I eloped while we were still students. My community disowned me. It took many weeks
to get a registrar to accept our marriage application. Finally, one of them agreed by taking a bribe.
Meanwhile, we moved from place to place for the sake of our safety. Having been brought up in a
conservative yet safe environment, I got to experience the real world first-hand.
Six months later, his parents blessed our traditional wedding. My father suffered a heart attack when he
heard the news that I had eloped. He did not regain health. Two weeks later, I lost him. My sisters,
already married then, were sent back home because of what I had done. The community and society
made it very hard for my siblings. They also harassed my in-laws who had no clue about our
whereabouts. Even today, my nieces face the brunt of my decision to follow my heart.
As much as I don’t regret my decision to elope with my boyfriend as it was the only option I knew best
then, I carry a huge guilt of my dad’s death on me, the many challenges my siblings went through then
and their worry to see their daughters married off today. Unfortunately, for us, some of the worries that
my family had came true.
My love life today is a victim of the hardships, the fear and the insecurities I went through for a good six-
seven years post the wedding. And because of embracing a new religion and name, I changed into a
person I myself found hard to recognise sometimes. My upbringing was such that it taught me to
maintain loads of patience and pretend that things appeared fine even if I was suffering from within. I
maintained this to the best of my ability such that no one recognised the pain of losing my loved ones
that I was feeling and the identity crisis that I was going through. I was too accommodating and this set
a false expectation of me. This made it seem to everyone that I was totally okay when I was suffering so
much within.
Each day is still very painful. However, I still don’t regret the decision I took way back then. Through
this pain, I still see my two beautiful kids grow into awesome individuals and big dreamers. I still trust
the strength of my belief that this too shall pass! Yes, I still see the possibility of my boys witnessing very
soon the unconditional love their parents have for each other.
-Indira
55
When my father came to know about my relationship, he put my boyfriend in jail and hit him a lot. He is
a policeman. So, we got married secretly in the court. I’m Maharashtrian and the love of my life is
Gujarati.
My parents love me a lot and I also love them a lot but they never tried to understand me and my love. It
has been four years since my wedding and yet, they have not accepted me. None of my relatives have
supported me either. Do caste and money really matter so much more than love?
-Rupal
--
I am a 28-year-old boy. I am struggling for my soul, my heart, my life - my love. Her parents are pushing
her to marry the boy whom they have chosen for her. They are hitting her, threatening her and not
allowing her to call anyone. She is like a prisoner in her own house.
Her elder sister and mother have told her that her father will die if she disobeys them. My parents and
family members have also tried to convince them. But they said they need a high-profile groom with a
large bank balance. Despite an 11-year-old relationship, she was compelled to tell me to leave her and
her family or else she might be murdered. I have tears in my eyes while writing this.
-Tejas
--
My husband and I eloped while we were still students. My community disowned me. It took many weeks
to get a registrar to accept our marriage application. Finally, one of them agreed by taking a bribe.
Meanwhile, we moved from place to place for the sake of our safety. Having been brought up in a
conservative yet safe environment, I got to experience the real world first-hand.
Six months later, his parents blessed our traditional wedding. My father suffered a heart attack when he
heard the news that I had eloped. He did not regain health. Two weeks later, I lost him. My sisters,
already married then, were sent back home because of what I had done. The community and society
made it very hard for my siblings. They also harassed my in-laws who had no clue about our
whereabouts. Even today, my nieces face the brunt of my decision to follow my heart.
As much as I don’t regret my decision to elope with my boyfriend as it was the only option I knew best
then, I carry a huge guilt of my dad’s death on me, the many challenges my siblings went through then
and their worry to see their daughters married off today. Unfortunately, for us, some of the worries that
my family had came true.
My love life today is a victim of the hardships, the fear and the insecurities I went through for a good six-
seven years post the wedding. And because of embracing a new religion and name, I changed into a
person I myself found hard to recognise sometimes. My upbringing was such that it taught me to
maintain loads of patience and pretend that things appeared fine even if I was suffering from within. I
maintained this to the best of my ability such that no one recognised the pain of losing my loved ones
that I was feeling and the identity crisis that I was going through. I was too accommodating and this set
a false expectation of me. This made it seem to everyone that I was totally okay when I was suffering so
much within.
Each day is still very painful. However, I still don’t regret the decision I took way back then. Through
this pain, I still see my two beautiful kids grow into awesome individuals and big dreamers. I still trust
the strength of my belief that this too shall pass! Yes, I still see the possibility of my boys witnessing very
soon the unconditional love their parents have for each other.
-Indira
55
